Here at Look at Those Clothes, The Style Sisters and I (well, most of us) try to be open-minded—never to say “never” to anything, to encourage everyone to wear whatever makes them happy, and to cling to our belief that if you wear whatever you want with aplomb, you’ll look just fine. But … you know how some things (and, yes, people) just grate on you for no reason at all? Well, Paris Gray-Brown, the supercilious, judgmental Style Sister, has quite a long list of such offensive things on a variety of topics including, of course, fashion, and since the rest of us are sick of listening to her complain, we sat her down and told her to let it rip.
“But just five of the fashion things,” I told her. “Any more than that and we won’t have any friends left.” (However, we called this “#1,” because knowing Paris, another five will be forthcoming at some point.) Since Paris tends to lapse into salty language when upset, I volunteered to do the translating and transcribing so that we could adhere to “The Vivienne Rule.” So here we go—her thoughts, my words.
- Fashion editors who call a dress a frock. It’s the same thing, sweethearts, except that “frock” sounds pretentiously precious: “Oh, I shall put on my most demure f-f-f-r-r-r-rock [roll your r’s, honey—you’re that kind of girl] and go and sit by the fire with Mr. Paisley; he is such a gentleman!” So knock it off, OK?
- Fashion editors and bloggers who constantly use the expression “pop of color.” The English language puts 500,000 words at your disposal; if you can’t come up with some variation now and then, maybe it’s time to stomp on your keyboard. (Hint: dash, hit, bit, splash, touch, burst … get the idea? These are called synonyms. Look it up. )
- Guys who wear “shrunken” clothing (shirts, jackets, pants) so undersized that it wrinkles, even if the guy is skinny. Makes them look like (a) they’re morbidly attached to their junior high years and are still wearing the same duds or (b) they’re so hopelessly inept at managing the normal tasks of daily living that they shrunk their stuff in the washer or dryer AND didn’t know enough to trade it in for something that won’t cut off the circulation to their brains. Ugh and ugly.
- The whole unkempt hair thing: “beachy,” “undone,” and “bed head” have become loathsome terms to Mme. Gray-Brown. Hair that looks uncombed, messy, greasy, dry, or stringy—what message is that supposed to send? Besides, that is, the message that your hair is uncombed, messy, greasy, dry, or stringy.
- The word “strappy” to describe sandals. Sounds like sappy or slappy, as in slap-happy. Sounds too damned perky. Sounds stupid. Sounds like you guys should stop it.
Whew. Now let’s all go have a cookie and a nice cup of tea.
Categories: Fashion & Humor