Look At Those Clothes!

Musings on style and fashion

Caffeinated Underwear?

Coffee beans by bhjoco

Photo by bhjoco

TRUE or FALSE:

Shapewear infused with caffeine will help you lose weight.

Aw c’mon—guess before you scroll down! Take your time; have a cuppa java while you think . . .

Coffee by lobna Saleh

Photo by Lobna Saleh

And the answer, according to the Federal Trade Commission, is a big fat . . .

FALSE.

In fact, it’s so false that the FTC has fined two companies 1.5 million bucks for claiming that wearing their caffeinated shapewear would reduce body fat and body size (to say nothing of wallet size: these things cost 60 bucks a pop). “No scientific evidence,” FTC told Norm Thompson and Wacoal, “so just shut up.” Or words to that effect.

Like true Benevolent Overloads, the trade commission will use the fine money to buy themselves some shapewear and the best cup of coffee in the world. Just kidding. Actually, they’ll use it to reimburse the 250,000 people who bought these things, probably before they had their morning coffee.

If you think about it, the weirdest thing is not that people would fall for a goofy scam like this—after all, think about all the pressure our culture puts on us (especially the female variety of “us”) to be thin, thin, thin. No, the weirdest thing is that a bunch of people came up with it in the first place. What, specifically was the thought process? Or was it just a wild moment of over-caffeinated non-brilliance:  “Hey, I know: Let’s make underwear out of caffeinated microfiber!”

Well, at least they didn’t go around telling people to pour coffee in their underwear. You wouldn’t do that, would you? Would you?

Categories: Fashion & Science (No, Really)

Tags: , , , , ,

4 replies

  1. What is it they say? “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably isn’t.” In fact, I think that it would be great going around all day smelling like coffee. So … when do I get my refund?

    Like

  2. This sounds a little like a premise to a science fiction story — only too goofy to read. Has to be satire?

    Like

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